The FYYFF-ies - Week 48

How strange to be doing this on a Friday. But after enduring the train ride home, feeling tired and not wanting to deal with the laundomat, I decided to stay in, make hot cocoa, do some cleaning/organizing, and watch some TV. Plus, when I saw this story, I couldn't wait to plaster it up.

I was torn between which individual to give it to, but when you hear the story, I think you will agree - both assholes are deserving.

This week's award goes to:



KIMBERLEY DAWN TRENOR & ROYCE CLYDE ZEIGLER II
(Yeah, that's NOT them, but a lovely representation I think........)

Little Riley Ann Sawyers was unfortunate to have ended up with these two bastards. The details you can read here. Long story short, Ziegler, 24, killed two year old Riley because she wouldn't say "please", "yes sir", or "no sir". And 19 year old Trenor saw it all.
Some people should NEVER have kids. And they should use good judgment. This just makes me sick. Parents need to get a goddamn clue (and see previous posts if you don't believe me......)
So to Mr. Ziegler and Ms. Trenor - here's the trophy. Take turns shoving it up your asses and enjoy your speedy descent to Hell.
In fact, I need to type out the award name because you piss me off so much - FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKS!
I mean, fuck......................

Happy Friday

This is off the balcony of the condo I stayed at in SC on my vacation. My sister took it. I saw some beautiful sunsets, but nothing like this...........

Have a great weekend, and a FYFFIE later today (cuz I know you're all holding your breath for it......)

WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING HELL?!?!?!

Okay, HOW DID I MISS THIS?!?!?! I missed a prime FYYFFie candidate......
Read this and shudder.

The FYYFF-ies - Weeks 46 & 47

Still recovering from the food coma that was Thanksgiving. I hope all 5 of you had a glorious day. ;)

Now, on with the FYYFFie-ing.

WEEK 46's Winner:



DREW PETERSON

Maybe I'm old fashioned. Remember when a suspect used to be a suspect, and they'd be arrested or something? How does a murder suspect get to be on AMERICA'S MOST WANTED as a guest, a story in PEOPLE magazine (and the cover), and on GOOD MORNING AMERICA twice? And the neighbors are no better. Some female neighbor mentioned that a month ago she was watching the news. Now she was the news. Sweet Jesus, nuke the neighborhood before they all get reality TV shows. In any event, enough suspicion hangs around this guy that he really shouldn't be a "TV star". I mean come on, death threats to other wives, an exhumed body, assistance from police colleges. Sadly, I fear people love this shit. This is not good.
Here's your trophy, Drew. Try not to beat it up.............

WEEK 47's Winner



KAUSHIK PATEL

Apparently, to some people, nothing says "OUR MARRIAGE IS MESSED UP AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I WILL SHOW YOU, HONEY" quite like maiming your offspring. And yes, I joke, but the end result shocks the fuck out of me. Mr. Patel, 34, put his two boys, ages 7 and 4, in a bathtub, doused them in gas, and did the unthinkable -
lit a match. There is a special ring in Hell for guys like that.
Mr. Patel, take your trophy and choke on it. I hope you rot in Hell.....wait, I KNOW you will............

Ah, It's Thanksgiving......Again - and other stuff......

It's that time of the year again. How in the hell did that happen?!?!?!?!?!

In any event, I am staying here this year. One former roommate is coming over, and the current roommate (who is also a former roommate of mine and the other former roommate.....wait, did that make sense.....oh fuck it....) may be here as well. My only regret is that we have no video game console (that should be rectified by Xmas), but we will have plenty of things to do. I suspect there will be a game of drinking Cribbage in our futures.....God help us all..............

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Oddly, it seems like there are a lot of break ups going on with my friends. Fortunately, none of them are "pick a side" break ups (well, except one, and that's okay.....). Even more oddly, I still want a relationship. I have jokingly said I am approaching the desperate age and still single. I laugh, my friends laugh, and yet, there is ALWAYS a bit of truth in every comic nugget. I've said it before, and I will say it again - thank GOD for PORN.

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My dear friend Wendy lost one of her best friends last week. It was her dog Seamus. I loved that dog too. Wendy always said I was the human equivalent of Seamus. Thinking about that now makes me smile very much. You will be missed, Seamus old buddy. In honor of our pal, I am posting Wendy's blog entry. And Wendy and I have already agreed to toast him when I visit in '08.
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my friend died.
Current mood: touched
Category: Pets and Animals

My Seamus Buddy

It blows my mind how thoroughly screwed society is about death… that dreaded, very real, natural, and to-be-expected element of life. I just lost one of my best friends of 14 years, Seamus "Butt" McFatty… and am horrified at the number of people who have said to me as I wept, "He was just a dog." or "he was old." You may as well sympathetically pat me on the back, tell me that my grief is ridiculous, that my love for my friend was a waste of time, and that I should just get the fuck over it.

People say the same horrifying things in regards to people, as well. I have a friend who is losing his grandfather, and the majority of people will say to him, "Well, he's had a good life" as if his mourning was unjustified. Yes, sad people can be a drain on energy. Yes, someone crying can make things uncomfortable for the people around them… but then, in times like that, it's all about supporting the ones who are left behind, not invalidating their feelings by telling them to stop crying. Someone who is grieving doesn't need a drink. They don't need to throw themselves into work to forget about it, they shouldn't "be strong for the rest of the family." They need to process, and adjust to the idea of life without someone they have come to love and to count on to be there.

My Seamus was there for me in the form of 70 lbs of goofy, squishy, wonderful, funny guy. He saw me through my divorce, the death of my mother, my broken engagement, five movies, and numerous disastrous boyfriends, and the subsequent breakups, with a sense of humor, a soft welcoming heart, and a smiling tail. He was the one there to make me laugh when I felt like crying, and I'm gonna miss his stinky cheesy ears, and his big ole butt, and sticking my nose into his fur and holding him. I'm gonna miss him always taking three poops instead of one, requiring me to bring a huge bulging pocket full of poobags.

He was a rock.

He was a huge responsibility, and a tremendous joy, and I got to hold him and love him through those last agonizing breaths telling him, "it's ok, my friend. Fold your wings… we're gonna be ok. Let go, you're going to feel so much better… all of this is going to be better." Until finally... it was. My "Are you still there, Buddy?" was answered with a final choking breath, and a last noisy poop, (his final joke) and I laughed, and sobbed into my amazing man's arms. It was sublime… the way life is supposed to be.

Death is scary, granted, but all of the panic, and denial, and propriety of it, just makes it worse. We should allow ourselves the very human response to loss that involves getting snotty, blubbery, and yes, screaming if necessary. Why do we have to pretend that we are "strong"? Why do we pretend that we're fine, when everything in our bodies and hearts is saying, "Stop. This is going to take some time to heal, and to expect otherwise is just going to hurt more later." I was "strong" through the multitudinous deaths and losses in my life, and the mishandling of those emotions left scars so deep, that until I went in, and re-broke the proverbial bones, and let them set properly by allowing myself to grieve, I walked with an emotional limp that kept me from living fully. Consequently, I made some fucked up choices that kept biting me in the ass. It's not until you face the ugly, terrifying, beautiful, fucked- up, human, flawed, ridiculous TRUTH of life that you start to get smart.

So yeah, Seamus was a dog. He was an old dog at that. But he was a good and true and trusted, cherished friend, and I'm grieving, Heaven forbid. I can sometimes talk about him without crying, sometimes I can't. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable. Oh no. The people rolling their eyes at me don't get it, and I pity them the pain they haven't expressed in themselves, more than I pity my own loss. My loss is a part of my life, it's a part of loving, and it's part of my lesson. I'm walking this earth to learn what life's about, and death is an exam I will hopefully frequent many more times before my own final. Seamus passed. Seamus graduated. You and I are going to graduate too. I cried at my graduation, but I also threw my cap into the air.

I've got angels everywhere. I"m gonna miss this one, but there is a flurry of wings around me so thick, that i'm nestling into the warm feathers of a painful, exquisite, gorgeous, safe life.

Seamus, hats off to ya, my friend. I love ya so friggin much. Lucy and I miss you. I'll see you again, Buddy Butt. You walk me down that tunnel when it's my turn, Ok? Ok.

It's all Ok.
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Hugs and kisses everybody. Enjoy Turkey Day.

I'm back.......grumble grumble

Second day back after a wonderful vacation. It was beautiful in South Carolina. The ocean is a real pick-me-up.

Now if work could only be the same way...............

Leaving On A Jet Plane......

........for South Carolina in a couple of hours. I am very thrilled to be going on vacation. I don't have anything to do, not a goddamn.......oh wait. Yeah, I have a script to learn for my understudy gig. But I'm almost done with it (on the trip there, I should finish it!) That was my goal - to have NOTHING TO LEARN. But alas, I HATE turning down work, especially if it's TimeLine calling.

So, needless to say, I will do a double FYYFFie next Friday (shocking, I know....)

If I get a chance, I will post something.....like me on a beach with a drink in my hand. Or even better, me on a Latin Man on a beach with a drink in my hand......

The FYYFF-ies - Weeks 44 & 45

Good Lord, where has the year gone.......

In ANY EVENT, after having a lovely little bout of food poisoning (avoid the Turkey Pastrami at THE BAGEL), and trying to memorize lines for a show I will most likely NOT be doing, and getting ready for vacation, here are your two for one FYYFFies:

Week 44's weiner:




GOV. BLAGOJEVICH OR THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY OR WHOEVER THE FUCK KEEPS TEASING US ABOUT THE CTA CUTS

Before I left town last weekend, I had to wonder what the state of the public transportation would be when I returned. I mean, it was Doomsday......AGAIN. Then, voila, it was temporarily fixed again. Now we get to hear about more doomsday talk. Hey jackasses, are you going to be scratching your heads when we don't get the Olympics in '16 because the world is paying attention to this debacle? Please pull your heads out of your asses and fix the problem. Might I suggest you start by donating a bit of your inflated salaries to the cause?

Week 45's weiner:



CHINA (AND THEIR FASCINATION WITH TAINTING TOYS)

Now, let's be clear here. I am not pissed at all Chinese. That would be pointless. Plus I have a friend over there teaching and if they got wind of this, they might mess with him (yeah, like this blog is read by millions of Chinese and I have the kind of power to incite tomfoolery......but I digress, kinda.....). When I think "Chinese Toy makers are trying to slowly kill us all with tainted toys", I think I have an episode idea for South Park. So really, I am mad at the Chinese Toy Makers. Someone has to be able to fix the problem. In the meantime, I will have my FYYFFie trophies made in the good old U.S. of A. I'll even spray paint them myself....

(am I struggling to find FYYFFie winners, I wonder......let me know)

I Shall Blather Some More 2: X-Men United

There is a picture in the SunTimes today of JayZ. He is smoking a cigar. Smoke from the cigar is wafting past the side of his face. Now, I had to do a double take and then I started laughing OUT LOUD. Because the smoke does NOT look like smoke in the paper, if you catch my drift..........

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I went to the symphony on Monday. It was the MusicNOW series, sponsored by the CSO. I had said before the show, "If modern music is like modern dance, I might be screwed." But I was very pleasantly surprised - plus one of the new composers is a friend of mine, so that was very cool. One of the other composers was a 19 year old British boy who wrote his piece at 17 (and I hate him!!!!). Now, sure, some of it came across as arhythmic noise, but most of it was enjoyable, some parts quite beautiful and moving. It amazes me how people can write stuff like this.......

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I leave for SC for vacation this coming Tuesday night. I want to go NOW!

I Shall Blather Some More!

10 months yesterday without a cigarette. If the holidays don't suck, I should make it to a year!!!!!!

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Sat through the first preview of the new TimeLine show. When I saw it a week and a half ago, I wanted to get a chance to go on. After last night, I want to go on even more. We shall see........anybody got a crowbar?

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And YES, I will post two FYYFFies on Friday. I seem to like it that way now.

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Cute guy at the soup place near the theatre. He asked me if anything exciting happened to me during the day when I stopped in last night. I said "no, just work." What I should have said was "well, seeing you is pretty exciting." Is it ANY wonder I am single? I soooo have no game.............

I Think I'm STILL Drunk From Friday......

...........okay, not really, but if you only knew how much wine I consumed this weekend, you would be SHOCKED.

It was the second annual "Girls"/HEEEEEYRIDE/Six Homos in a Van weekend in South Bend. Last year it was about the hayride and the FUCKING CORN MAZE. This year it was about Michigan vineyards.

Pictures coming soon.

Now I must nap.......................

Halloween 2007: Death To My Liver

Wow wow wow.......between the Saturday party and the office after party, I'm pooped.
Here are some pics that I hope you enjoy:


I spent about 7 dollars on this costume. AND I LOVE IT!!!!


Me being a gay hippie with my buddy Anil, who is an Indian Zombie.....yeah, I don't get it either.


Here is his partner John as Pat.....LOVE THIS!!!!


The closest thing I've had to a blowjob since.........um.....2002? I LOVE when I do this shit in front of co-workers.....


And this is my costume for next year. I believe the gentleman next to me is named Ken. I remember saying I needed to get the picture with him before I was too drunk to walk.