File Under "Who Cares"....

Star Jones Reynolds says in a new interview that her dramatic weight-loss was due to gastric-bypass surgery, and that she dodged questions about it for years because she was "scared of what people might think of me".

If she was afraid of what people would think of her, my guess is that she would NEVER DO ANYTHING!!!! (we could only be so lucky)

The FYYFF-ies - Week 30!

Woo hoo! The FYYFFie is 30! Have a shot.

When I first read this story, I immediately thought of THE SIMPSON. Homer has become friends with a man named John (voiced by John Waters). Homer is horrified to find out that John is a homosexual. Long story short, the rest of the family returns and Homer asks Bart:

He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?!?

So I give the award to:



BILL O'REILLY

Billy has gotten his panties in a twist due to the San Diego Padre organization having essentially a Gay Day at the park. Mr. O'Dildohead seems concerned because "thousands of gay adults showed up and co-mingled with straight families."

Shock! Horror! Zoinks! Kids might actually look upon homosexuals, aaaannnndddd what, Billy? Turn to salt? Spontaneously combust? Start uttering phrases like "those shoes don't go with that outfit" or "girl, PA-LEEZE"?

And if you're going to use that "public sexual displays at family events" excuse (and just what is that exactly - I doubt there are hummers being administerd in the stands), make sure the breeders keep it in check too.

The man is a piece of work. Now he has a trophy which expresses what thousands think.

Sit and spin, you moralizing douchebag.

Fire Crotch Doesn't Disappoint

She's been out of rehab for two muthafuckin' weeks.......

Hey Lindsey, how's it going?

More on the Tool Known as Bonds

I just saw this......priceless.

In another world, Barry Bonds' chase for Hank Aaron's home run record would be the story of the century, the cementing of a legacy and perhaps the most triumphant achievement in the history of sports.

If things were a little different, Bonds could have been one of the greatest heroes we've ever seen in American pop culture, a giant of a man and an unprecedented role model. And as he flirts with history, Bonds could be cashing in like virtually no other athlete.

But he's not. Bonds' pursuit of 756 has become the asterisk of legend, infamously dubious because of steroid allegations that will dog him for decades. To make matters worse, he's been fingered with possible perjury in front of a grand jury and charges of tax evasion.

And the icing on the bitter cake is Bonds' personality, which is pricklier than a saguaro cactus. All of this adds up to a superstar whose very scowl leaves everyone feeling cold -- especially corporate America.

I laugh. Here's the rest of that story.

The FYYFF-ies - Week 29

Now, the LAST time I made a comment about sports, I got "yelled" at - "WTF, Kingston, you like SPORTS?" I don't love them, unless they are mens swimming and diving events and beach volleyball -- THAT is a no brainer, and HIGHLY entertaining.
But then, something rears its ugly head in a sport and everyone takes notice. With the Bears, it was Rex Grossman. With the sport of baseball, it is this week's award winner:



BARRY BONDS

You may ask, who are the two men above? Both are Mr. Bonds - on the left without steroids, on the right with steroids.

Now, this is "alleged" steroid use. Rrrrriiiiiight.....and I like vagina.

Mr. Bonds is approaching the homerun record of Hank Aaron. There is an uproar because lots of folks think when Mr. Bonds breaks the record, there should be an asterisks after his name. The asterisks would basically denote the fact that Barry Bonds is a lying son of a bitch who abused steroids to get huge and has said he hasn't used them when several former baseball players have confirmed that he has and did. He gives the game a baseball a black eye. CBS's Bob Schieffer did a story this morning on why Barry will never be an American Hero (I missed the story - doh).

Just look at those two pictures. I mean, COME ON.......plus I hear that it's best to keep your head shaved because steroids makes your hair fall out in patches. Barry keeps his head nicely shaved --- coincidence????

So when Juicer Bonds surpasses a REAL American Legend and Hero, know that in my mind, I am shoving that award so far up his ass his family will feel it.

The FYYFF-ies - Week 28

This shall be brief, primarily because I can't stop laughing about it.

The award this weed goes to:



REP. BOB ALLEN (FL)
(shown here right before he swallows that microphone)

Point #1 - Tried to pass "Lewd and Lecivious Behavior Act", which would have made public masturbation in the presence of another adult illegal, whether the other adult consented or not.

Point #2 - Offered an undercover cop twenty dollars for oral sex in a bathroom stall.

Point #3 - Claiming it is all a "very big misunderstanding" and a "gross mistake" to the press after his arrest.

Hey Bob, once you get up off your knees and accept the award, I'd like you to meet my friend, Karma.....

Oh man, I just peed a little...........

(Thanks to my buddy Eric for bringing this to my attention!)

From Theatre to Gaydar

This may be a rant. Sue me.

I attended the read-thru of my new show, PARADISE LOST. I am always fascinated and horrified when I sit at a read-thru, listening to the other actors, wondering what in the Wide Wide World of Sports I'm doing there. But I've been in this position before. And it forces you to up your game. I mean, come on, you don't want to hear "God, everyone in the show was great.....well, except that Michael Kingston. He should think about retirement." And I will definitely be upping my game with this show. This is going to be an amazing challenge. My goal is to not suck OR start smoking again (it's been 6 months as of July 6th).

We were about 15 minutes from starting. Then he walked in and sat down (we'll call him "Jay") I know I was staring - he got my attention. He introduced himself. There was eye contact. Then there was the reading, some more eye contact (fleeting, but eye contact), blah blah, blah, look at Jay and don't get caught, ogle Jay and kinda get caught, and then my half hearted attempt to make small talk at the end of the evening. Pleasantries, look, ogle, leave.

Thanks to the power of the internet, I was able to look him up on myspace. Not only is he in a relationship, but he's straight.

Is there a fucking class I can take to prevent this from EVER happening again? Or can you get a somewhat cheap Gaydar on Craig's List? I swear to God!!! Not only was I sure he was gay, but I was set to ask him out the next time I saw him. But that clearly isn't going to happen. It is frustrating as hell to do that to myself, only to be COMPLETELY wrong. I'm starting to think that a date is not in the near or far future. The last time I asked someone out, I got this response:

Thanks for your nice invitation.

Unfortunately, I am going through a crazy period right now and meeting someone new for a drink is just not a possibility for me.

Once again, I truly thank you for your interest and kindness.

Wishing you the best.

Is there a monastery in town?

The FYYFF-ies - Week 27

If I went to party, got drunk, and insulted the host, I'd have to apologize, right? I'd have to apologize if I took an umbrella to a parked car in my busy neighborhood too.

So I must give the award this week to two of LaLa Land's beautiful people:




MAMA BRITNEY AND UNCLE JESSIE JOHN

Mr. Stamos went to Australia and made an ass of himself, mate. His excuse? Jet-lag and that he needed to rest. John John John......you were drunk. Just say so. Danny DeVito did it on THE VIEW and it was FUNNY. Fess up, you adorable, boner-inducing fuckhead.

And Britney? You have GOT to be shitting me. You go bald ass Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs, beating the crap out of a photographer's car with an umbrella, and THIS IS THE EXCUSE YOU GIVE US?!?!?!?!

"I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a roll in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn't get the part."

Um.....Britney? What kind of roll? Dinner? Cinnamon? Multigrain? I bet it was cinnamon. It was cinnamon, wasn't it? In any event, shortly after the incident, she checked herself into rehab. She was pissed, crazy, hopped up on goofballs, maybe all three. But she was NOT doing acting class homework.

So Brit, put the award on your mantle.
And John? If you decide to play with your award, CALL ME!!!!!!!!

Ramblings/Musings/Whatever

I sit in apartment. Two miles away, The Police are playing at Wrigley Field. I am at the computer, listening to the new CD I got online. I have the super headphones on (kicks up the bass, EXCELLENT sound....I don't know where my roommate got them, but I LOVE THEM!!!) The album? Drum roll please............DARK SIDE OF THE MOON. Showing my age? Fuck you.....oh wait, yes I am. I forgot how great this album, only surpassed by the amazing THE WALL (now THAT brings back memories everytime I play it). This is a nice, relaxing evening. Now where's the hookah?

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Tuesday night, I went to my friend Ryan's for a light cocktail party. Nothing crazy, and he is a fan of the board game, which I so enjoy. My new favority board game? Apples to Apples. It's one of those games that gets hysterical the more you drink. Plus, you learn LOTS about people. PLAY IT.....NOW!

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On Independence Day, I went to my friends the Tims for a bbq. I play more Apples to Apples, but then I played the greatest thing EVER invented. It was the Wii. And now I want one. And I want one now. I remember when Pong was a big deal - PONG, PEOPLE!!!!!!!! I'm pricing them this weekend. I'll keep you posted.

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Would it be desperate to label this picture:

SEE??? I'M KISSING A CUTE DOG. THAT'S CUTE. SO YOU SHOULD DATE ME!!!!!!!!



What, too much?
(That's Pharoah, by the way. He belongs to my friend Edward)

The FYYFF-ies - Week 26

Uh oh...........someone is going to have matching bookends.

The award goes to one of our loudest past recipients:

(NO PICTURE CUZ I'M TIRED OF SEEING HIS IGNORANT ASS IN THE PAPERS)

Isaiah Washington

If you've been living in a cave (or don't give a shit), Mr. Washington was ceremoniously dumped from GREY'S ANATOMY, a show I've never seen and I'm okay with that.

Since his firing, the man CANNOT shut his pie hole. Now, he is waving the race card.
Why? Well, as he so eloquently puts it, with the clash on the set, "someone heard the booming voice of a black man and got really scared, and that was the beginning of the end for me." He also said, in a list of mistakes, that "my mistake was thinking black people get second chances."

Oh bitch, please.

Now come reports that Mr. Washington seems to have a nasty temper that has reared its head on other shows (Soul Food being one of them). No word to if he slandered, but I guess he just likes to yell.

He has said he can only apologize so many times. I will agree with this. But could you at least stop flapping your gums so it looks like YOU ACTUALLY MEAN THE APOLOGY!!!!!!.

The way he's going, there could be an award trifecta.......let's wait and see.