Ponderings 4: I Like to Number Things

My GOD, what a day.....

-I got off downtown and climbed the stairs to cops telling me I needed to go the the west exit (and not the east exit like I usually do). After climbing more stairs, I see people looking up and pointing. There was a protester up on scaffolding on the side of a building. He was very high up (and probably very high as well). He didn't jump or fall or anything. If he had, the 11 flashing trucks/cars/ambulances surely would have done something about it.

-I got a Trojan Horse virus on my work computer. You may insert your joke here.

-The Taliban tried to blow up Darth Cheney. Silly Taliban, you can't kill the Devil...........

-Goodness, it's such a big deal that Al Gore has put on a few pounds. Makes me wonder what people said about me after I did the same.........................skinny bitches.

-My sister and brother-in-law are coming to see my kid show, weather permitting. I think Mother Nature is going to fuck up Michigan and Illinois enough that they won't make it. I sure hope they do. I don't want to think I'm cleaning the apartment from top to bottom for no reason....... ;)

Ponderings 3: Eddie's PISSED

And............go.

-Good Lord, I watched ALL the Oscars on Sunday. Ellen did a great job. And people seem to love Al Gore (contrary to popular belief, he did not win the Oscar - his movie did) VERY happy to see Melissa Etheridge win, as well as Alan Arkin (am I the ONLY one scared to hear the words ACADEMY AWARD WINNER EDDIE MURPHY?) There has GOT to be a way to get that show in at THREE hours. MAN, when the first award went to Art Direction, I panicked just a bit. And Jennifer Hudson sang the FUCK out of that Dreamgirls medley (Beyonce who?) And go here to get a view of the Red Carpet. These gals are PRICELESS.........

-I heard back from the boy I ogled/asked out on a date. He is not interested in anything serious, but I think he'd love to get together/hang/chat. I like that idea. He seems very interesting.........

-One more month of SEUSSICAL. It's going well. GET THERE.

-I was PISSED to get sick for a couple of days (I am NOT a good sick/injured person) It messed up the gym schedule and any social life. I'm better, but I fed whatever it was I had and now I want liposuction.........shit shit shit.

-I got "tagged" by Stephen. I now have to come up with 5 things that people don't know about me, then tag others and put them through the same Hell. I will do this. I could gracefully bow out, but I will do it.......let the people know me.........so they will love me.......and put me on a pedestal.......plus, torturing others will make me happy....BWAHAHAHA.........LOOK, there's one thing right there.

-One of my resolutions this year is to get to more theatre. I need to support my actor friends. Then they support me (in a perfect world). I'm batting about .475 when it comes to this. Old dog, old dog, old dog.........

This is all seeming nonsensical.........time for a cocktail.

The FYYFF-ies - Week 8

Goodness, a whole week went by. In actuality, I tried to blog, but it seemed temperamental and messed up. More next week I promise (YAY, A REASON TO CARRY ON, DEAR READERS)
I'll make it short and sweet this week (I'm home nursing something.....ugh).

I could rip on the judicial system in the Anna Nicole Smith fiasco. I could rip on Tim Hardaway AGAIN. I would rip on Sen. Robert Ford for saying Barack Obama will drag down the Democratic party because "he's black". No, this week, something a little lighter.......




JEFFREY VOGEL

Read this (courtesy of the AP out of Colorado)

WRONG DRESSING PROMPTED STABBING

Italian dressing instead of ranch on a salad prompted a man to stab his girlfriend, police said.
Jeffrey Vogel, 22, was being held on suspicion of second-degree assault and domestic violence in the stabbing of a 22-year-old, Police Cmdr. Craig Earhart said.
“He apparently wanted ranch dressing, and she had put Italian dressing on. Sometimes life is stranger than fiction,” Earhart said.
Police said she suffered stab wounds to her arm and under her left armpit. She was treated and released.
Both Vogel and the victim were intoxicated, police said.
Vogel was arrested after barricading himself in a house for about four hours.

Here's your award, Jeffy. Now sober up......and for GOD SAKE'S, DRINK DECAF!

The FYYFF-ies - Week 7

Oh, Sweet Mother of GOD, I've been wanting to type this since reading about it Wednesday. Let's get right to it, shall we? This week's award goes to this fucker:




TIM HARDAWAY

Son of a fucking bitch......some people should NEVER speak (or SHOULD have a hot poker rammed up their ass). In an interview with one Dan Le Batard (this name, by the way, illicited two different spellings in my mind for a very amusing comic effect), Mr. Sensitivity said the following:

"First of all I wouldn't want him (a gay player)on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, you know, I would really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think that he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room, and it's just a whole lot of other things and I wouldn't even be a part of that. But stuff like that is going on and there's a lot of other people I hear that are like that and still in the closet and don't want to come out of the closet, but you know I just leave that alone."

When accused of homophobia and bigotry, he fired off this classic missive:

"Well, you know I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States. So yeah, I don't like it.''

WOW WOW WOW. Then later in the day, the back peddling (or digging the hole ever so deeper) began:

"I regret it, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that, that was my mistake."

Let's be clear, dear readers. He didn't say his feelings was wrong, he simply said he shouldn't have said it. Oh, I could go on for DAYS about this......his agent's non-apology apology, Mr. Hardaway's Isaiah Washington defense ("I intend to seek professional help immediately"), a later interview where he said he couldn't tolerate a gay family member, etc. etc. etc...........(read more here.)

He has been banned from the NBA All Star festivities for the rest of the week by basketball commissioner David Stern ("It is inappropriate for him to be representing us given the disparity between his views and ours") , although I'm sure that's all he'll want to do with it.

So Mr. Hardaway, take your award, grab Mr. Haggard's (if he's done with it) and deposit them right up your ass.

.....and HEAVY SIGH...........

Ponderings 2

Okay, three things.......

- I went to the laundromat last night. My clothes are clean. However, for a 20 minute period, I was the only person there. I loved it and loathed it at the same time.

- I want people to know that when I make a joke about the Walrus of Love, that they actually know WHO THAT IS.

- I want this weather to go the FUCK away.

That's all. Carry on.

Ah, J. Geils Said It Best......

HAPPY BLACK WEDNESDAY, EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ponderings......

Allow me to ramble......

- Kudos to Bohemian Theatre Ensemble and Season of Concern for a wonderful benefit that I was honored to be a part of. And once again, thanks to Stephen for letting me play, and to Matthew for letting me ogle (professionally in the scene we did that is.........) and Dana for coming and supporting all of us.

- I ogled a beautiful boy during the show last night (not professionally and not in any scene). Why do I just stare like a pre-pubescent high school girl at her first dance? I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure in some strange way. He knows a friend of mine, so I DID get to say he did a good job in his part of the show. *sigh*..... we'll see what the scoop is. I can't check out his myspace page because it is set on private.........(drat).

- People who see me walking to work must think I'm crazy. I wear this big black Land's End coat which is GREAT but makes me look like the biggest fattest penguin in the land. Add the fact that sidewalks were not plowed and I had trouble getting good footing and.....well, I laugh at myself waddling down the street. I tell you though, people leave me alone......wonder why?

- Poor Anna Nicole Smith. Now the "I'm the baby's Daddy" count is up to 5. I think I'm going to say it's mine. I mean why the hell not? I'll say Bobby Trendy and I planned the conception.

- In a little over a month, my Grandmother will be 101. This shit blows my mind.

- I've been successful getting my ass to the gym and still am not smoking. I've set a realistic goal of 5 lbs. a month for the next 6 months. I will make it happen!!!

- God, I must reiterate that I wish this could happen......

- ...and finally, this from my buddy in Indianapolis.......

My Daddy the Dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He plays for the Chicago Bears, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

The FYYFF-ies - Week 6

My goodness, people.....what a week. Overreaction to a Super Bowl ad, Astronaut Lady goes Loco, and Trimspa shits a brick. But, oh my, when I saw this, I nearly split my sides from laughter. This week's award goes to:

The Cocksu.....sorry, Rev. Ted Haggard

I have to use excepts from the Associated Press story I read:

DENVER (AP) -- One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is ''completely heterosexual.'' (They gang banged it out of him)

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition. (Really? There weren't any others? Really? Come on........seriously, REALLY????)

''He is completely heterosexual,'' Ralph said. ''That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing.''
Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary. (Did he discover - or REdiscover - this because he got caught? Isn't it AMAZING how that works....)

Oh, and I LOVE this:

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. (Because.....this will give them a better understanding about what Teddy did so he won't slip and accidentally impale his sphincter on a penis 128 times?)

And the forgiveness?

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed. (We love you in a completely heterosexual way, you're cured, now get the hell out of town...and let's NEVER speak of this again.......)

Well, good luck, Teddy. I think you are REAAAALLLLYYY gonna need it.

Now, please try not to sit on the FYYFFie award...........I said NOT to.........oh TEDDY........

The FYYFF-ies - Week 5

So, I guess I'm getting more political in my "old age". I suppose this isn't a bad thing. Plus, sometimes, I feel like I've started a great idea and have noone to weekly flip off. And then I read something in the paper and all is well. This week's award goes to one pompous ass:



Sen. Joe Biden

I've laughed at this jackass since he showed off his new hair plugs. The fact that he's one of ours (Democrat) irks me a bit. Then, he says he's running for President (oh shit, no....) and proceeds to firmly shove his foot in his mouth by uttering this gem regarding Sen. Barack Obama:

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice looking man. I mean, that's a storybook, man."

Then he offered the "apology":

"I deeply regret any offense my remark in the New York Observer might have caused anyone."
As opposed to just saying "Oops, I fucked up. My bad." GOD, I wish someone in power/famous would issue that........

Brilliantly, Obama took no offense to Biden, but did point out his inaccuracies by naming 4 other African Americans who ran for President "and no one would call them inarticulate".

Plus, on a personal level, I've seen Carol Mosely Braun upclose. She's a snappy dresser and smelled great.

So, here's your FYYFFie, Senator. Please sit on it.

Eat THIS, Bizatch.........

Ah, it ended just fine.

Suck it, Marcel - you and your horrifying hair.