Pooped

What a muthafuckin' week........closed one show, start rehearsing another, work grabbing me by the sac, not enough sleep, roommate issues........dear Lord, is it any wonder Mommy has to have a cocktail every once in a while?

But, it FINALLY looks like Spring is here! Hallelujiah!!!!!!! I can open the windows and get a winter's worth of stink out!!!!!

Have grand weekends, mah dahlings.................

Officially Sad

GUANTANAMO has left the building.

Anil, Clayton, Vince, Christian, Hunter, Bobby, Robert, Sean, Ann, Larry, and Don:

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BLACK LITTLE HEART!!!!!

I've Said It Before......

......and I'll say it again.





FUCKING GENIUSES!

Oh, and here's a little show from my friend Jonas.

Enjoy your weekends, damnit!!!!!!!

Isaac Hayes is a Scientological Jackass

So let me get this straight. Isaac Hayes has left SOUTH PARK because he is offended in the way the Scientology episode went. Hmmmmm.....interesting.

He says: "There is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs and others begins."

Here are my questions to Mr. Hayes:

1 - When you were taping this specific episode, did it occur to you to say something THEN?

2 - The Passion of the Jew, Christian Rock Hard, or Red Hot Catholic Love didn't offend you?

3 - Have you actually WATCHED the show or are you too busy at the bank cashing your checks?

We might have another contestant for the Biggest Douche in the Universe contest....

Harsh Generalization....or Reality?

I'm not sure if it's just me.......but why are Human Rights folks in this town, how do I say this, a bit trashy and inept? Why do they make Trekkies look like rock stars?

I'm all for you supporting the wrongly accused. But for the love of fuck, PLEASE have some social skills. EXAMPLE: If you keep moving around in a chair that squeaks, eventually EVERYONE will look at you.

Jesus, the things I do for money........

I've Been To A MAHvelous Party......and Other News

Well, the 100th birthday event has come and gone. It was truly amazing. A proclamation from the Mayor of Grand Blanc (where Granny and Mom live). And no, we didn't get anything from W. I don't think anyone asked, which is PERFECTLY fine. I saw old neighbors that I haven't seen in 20+ years. And Granny's doctor brought a bouquet of 100 roses. I hear it took her 4 hours to open all her cards and gifts the next day. All in all, an amazing day.
And my sister set up a GREAT spread. She really outdid herself.
I felt completely exhausted that night when I went to bed....and it was the good kind of tired.
Simply grand.

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Of course, my coming out day coincides with Granny's birthday. I was 8 this year.

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Had a readthru last night for my next show. Oh, this is going to be a hoot. I'm working with some good friends on this one, so I look forward to the zaniness that will ensue.

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I am putting off going to the dentist. And I am beginning to think that my teeth are rebelling. Why do we hate the dentist so much? Oh right.....THE FUCKING DRILLS.
ANYHOW, I have to go soon. I don't want to be the guy who gets deathly ill from the worst gum disease/infection the world has ever seen and have it named after me (not that it's that bad.....but oy).

My Brain HURTS

So, here I am in Michigan for my grandmother's 100th, which is tomorrow. I have cleaned my mother's house, done laundry, gone shopping, and seen Mom's cousins, who have not seen me in 30-34 years. There have been a thousand stories and tons of laughter. This house has not had so much family history flying around in it for a long, LONG time. As I sit here typing this, I don't know if I will be able to sleep. I am beginning to understand the magnitude of this event. To put it another way, this is one big motherfucking deal, yo. But I am taking my night time medicine right now (good old Jack Daniels, I LOVE you).
I have no idea who will be here tomorrow. Some old neighbors thought the event was today and stopped by for about 90 minutes. I haven't seen these folks for a while either. My brain is soooooooo full of knowledge and questions of whatever happened to so and so who lived down the street that I am going to have to pour another drink.....I mean, three fingers of night time medicine.
And how is Granny? She's excited. She's gotten 4 bouquets today alone and countless cards (they ACTUALLY MAKE 100th birthday cards?!?! I don't know why that surprises me, but it does....) I know tomorrow will probably tire her out a bit. Hopefully there will be lulls in the day so she can take naps here and there. I know if I were her, the giddiness of the day would get me through. But I'm not 100. And I think if I live that long, I will be very, very, very pissed.
So please raise a glass tomorrow at some point for the 100 year old Granny.
I thank you.

Creative, Witty Title Here.....and other news

Well, what a week.....
The Oscars came and went. I was at a fabulous party attended by Michael and Ernie (our hosts), my buddies Stephen, Mark (a gay man who falls asleep during BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is a bad gay man), Elise/Alise (Mark's ex-girlfriend who he hadn't seen in years...small world....oh and she knew back then), and two U of M students, Alex and Felipe. It was a very gay affair. And the college students were adorable (insert dirty old man comment here)- I even faux married one. I'm still waiting to see if he's still having me. However, I realized that I like to WATCH them, not chat during them. Yes, I did my shushing, but it was worth it. Jon Stewart rocked. I haven't seen CRASH yet, do I don't know if I should be upset by the Best Picture pick. I'll keep you posted.

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The show is selling out like crazy. It's been an amazing experience. We actually had a former senator/presidential candidate in attendance. The house was bought out by a group of lawyers, some of whom have gone down to Cuba to represent Guantanamo detainees. VERY interesting. Then, they catered the event. Actors and free food......excellent.

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My living situation is grating. I feel like I'm going to have to be the parent, and I don't WANT to be the parent/bad guy. I'm being left no choice though. And honestly, it will alleviate a shitload of my stress if I kick this thing in the ass. Recently, I'm really starting to realize I need to cut the shit out of my life. Gonna try now (ROCKY music swells in the background).....

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March 15th - Granny is 100. Wow - it still makes me giddy. I'll try to get a picture.

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I WILL have a date in April. It is time. I'm going to do it, with a set-up or not. This is ridiculous.....I'm smart enough, I'm pretty enough, and doggone it, people like me (most anyways).

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And finally, the roommate has just started a blog. This should be fun........

Still processing....

Still letting the Oscars sink in, letting the sinuses breathe, letting the apartment stay trashed.........seemed like a very long weekend.

Running the Gamut of Sensations

So I am sitting here eating SPICY chicken and white rice. I am trying to open up my sinuses which have betrayed me for some reason. I am sweating on THE TOP OF MY HEAD. And I know I'll be paying for this later, but right now, I can breathe out of both nostrils and it is heaven. It's not a cold (at least I don't think), but the fact that I have quit smoking again, and am in a very dry and dusty theatre 4 days a week. And the office isn't too forgiving either. I am bombarding with vitamin C just in case and drinking more water and green tea than God. Wish me luck......dammit, now my eyebrows are sweating......

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So in the coffee shop on Tuesday morning, that woman who asked "Could it BE any colder?" was back. I recognized her immediately and tried to leave before she started speaking again. THIS time she proclaimed, "Goodness it's cold." This bitch is wacky. First of all, it was at least 20 degrees warmer than her last proclamation. I wanted to give her a couple of bucks to start a fund to fly back to Texas, or California, or Miami, or wherever the fuck she was from. But I fled so as not to commit homicide.......
Good GOD PEOPLE....IT'S THE MIDWEST....THE WEATHER SUCKS HERE!!!!! GET USED TO IT!!!

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I am working on printer proposals at my job. This came with the new job title and raise. I HATE IT. It's not that I don't know what I'm doing (although that is certainly a small part of it). It is that between the pissing matches and the condescending emails from people whose opinions you need to get, I thank the Lord above for Jack Daniels. And I will take it on the rocks to get this shit out of my head.......
Pray for Mojo.

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In 12 days, my grandmother will be 100. It hit me on the Wednesday when I said to the roomie that in two weeks she'd hit the big number. I think about it and I'm giddy. And oh hell yes, there will be a party with friends and family I haven't seen in a long time. I can't hardly wait.

Upside Down and Rightside Up

OH.....MAH......GAWD.......boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyng.

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My roommate, the movie star, returns today. His girlfriend moved in while he was away. The apartment looks like it tipped upside down. Now HE can help her fix it!!!